Personalising a grave space

The grave of a loved one is a special place where many of us find comfort in tending and tidying as an act of care and respect. Many families also choose to place personal items upon a family grave to reflect the personality and character of their loved one.

We appreciate the benefits of personalising a grave space, but we must also consider the feelings of families who have chosen not to personalise a grave or have placed just a small number of items. We also need to ensure that cemetery staff are able to carry out operational tasks and grounds maintenance, and that coffin-bearers and mourners can walk safely and easily to the graveside for funerals.

The actual area available is dependent upon the type of grave; for Lawn, Traditional and Muslim graves, this area is 1'9" (53cm) x 4' (122cm) and for Cremated Remains Gardens and Babies Burial Gardens, the area is 9" (23cm) x 2' (60cm).

Where a burial has recently taken place, there will usually be more floral tributes than can be placed within the personalisation area; these will only be removed by the Council when they become spent.

As soon as possible following the funeral, the cemeteries staff will turf or seed the whole of the grave space. Any floral tributes will be temporarily moved to allow turfing and replaced following the completion of the works.

After approximately 3-months following the burial, only the personalisation area should be used for flowers. Vases and flower holders made from glass, porcelain or other fragile materials should not be used.

We understand, however, that on significant dates such as religious festivals and anniversaries, or during the festive period, you may need to place floral tributes or wreathes outside of the personalisation area.

The cemetery staff will mark out the personalisation area on individual graves by request. Where the whole of the grave space is grassed, the cemeteries staff will remove the turf from the agreed area ready for planting.

To arrange for the personalisation area to be marked out on your family grave, speak to a member of the cemeteries staff or telephone Bereavement Services on 01642 527341 or 01642 527342.

We recommend that planting is restricted to bedding plants, alpines and flowering bulbs to avoid plants quickly out-growing the personalisation area.

Conifers and other fast-growing shrubs should not be planted within the personalisation area, as these can not only hide a memorial, but also weaken the foundations, which may damage your own memorial and also those on neighbouring graves.

If we discover such a plant then we may write to you to ask you to remove it within 14 days. If we are unable to contact you, then we will carefully remove the plant ourselves.

We have worked to develop a policy that will be acceptable to both the families that wish to personalise a grave space and those who object to the placement of personal items.

A small number of personal items may be placed within the personalisation area. This allows variety for families personalising graves and to ensure that the carefully chosen personal items can be appreciated by visitors.

The types of items that are not permitted are:

• kerbs, fences, edging stones and other surrounds
• gravel and other decorative chippings
• glass, porcelain, brittle plastics or other fragile items
• items that make a noise
• balloons

The installation of kerbs, fences, edging stones and other surrounds around the whole of the grave space can create significant difficulties in gaining access to neighbouring graves for funeral mourners, coffin-bearers and other cemetery visitors. Such items can also restrict grave-digging and general maintenance by our cemeteries staff.

Similarly, the placement of smaller personal items, or planting outside the agreed area can lead to the same difficulties.

If such items are placed, then we will contact you if:

• the items prevent or restrict access for grave-digging or funeral attendance
• the items encroach upon or affect a neighbouring grave
• we have received a complaint about the items

If the need to access a grave is urgent, because of a forthcoming funeral, we will ask you to remove the items as soon as possible. If we are unable to make contact, then we will need to carefully remove the items ourselves.

If the situation is less urgent, then we may write to you and invite you to attend on-site to discuss matters with a member of our staff, and to reach agreement upon a reduction of your personalisation, to a level which does not cause a problem.

Again, we may write to you, if:

• planting within the personalisation area poses a risk to the stability of your own family memorial, or that of a memorial in a neighbouring grave
• we receive a complaint about the items or plants

In such circumstances, we will invite you to attend on-site and discuss the situation, with a view to reaching agreement as to the removal or reduction of the items or plants in question. If we are unable to contact you, then we will carefully remove unsuitable plants ourselves.

If you are unsure about any item or plant, please either ask a member of staff at the cemetery, or telephone the Bereavement Services Team on 01642 527341 or 01642 527342.